The more children move from fostering families to another, the more their ability to form secure attachments is impacted. Every broken attachment impacts throughout an individual’s life; their ability to trust others and their ability to form secure adult relationships.
When thinking about children looked after, I always think it is important for foster carers to put themselves in the child’s shoes and also to think ‘if it was my child, what would I want for them.’ Remember none of us know what is around the corner for us and life is very unpredictable.
My team and I try to think of the above when we are matching children with fostering families. When matching, I question whether you are resilient, reflective, flexible, empathic, nurturing, able to provide better than good enough parenting, enable children to overcome adversity and believe in themselves and able to take on board constructive feedback (remember this is to help you develop and support the children you care for). We do this as we don’t want you to give up on children.
When things do get challenging (and they will at times when trauma manifests itself), it is important that you let your SSW know and we will see what support we or the local authority can offer. It might be that there is some extra intervention that we as a team can access from our contacts outside the LA social work team to help stabilise a placement. We will work closely with your SSW and Team Manager.
We are also aware that sometimes fostering arrangements just do not work out and this not necessarily anyone’s fault. What may seem on paper a perfect match sometimes just doesn’t work. However, your SSW will do a reflective piece of work to identify what went well and what didn’t, so we can use this to aid future matching to try and ensure a positive fostering experience.
Matching is not a fine art. We only have the information that a Local Authority shares with us. Reading between the lines is a key skill in matching and unpicking creative language. When we share referrals, this is on the basis of what we know about your preference and your skills. Remember it is fine to say no. We also encourage you to ask questions.
It is important to think about the child’s lived experience – they may have had a fostering arrangement or two that have not worked out; however it could be the household dynamics, a lack of practical and emotional availability on the part of the carer, a poor match, an emergency which was only ever meant to be temporary or a return home which didn’t work out – moves are rarely a child’s fault. We encourage you and your SSW to meet with the Local Authority social worker to get more information. We would also encourage you to talk through a referral with your SSW or a member of my team.
Where difficulties do arise and a Local Authority has not been fully transparent about information they knew about a child, please rest assured we will always address this with them, as we want to avoid future breakdowns. Please also bear in mind that if a child in your care starts to display behaviour that wasn’t on the referral, this does not necessarily mean this information was missing or withheld by the Local Authority.
Sometimes with the right match, children will start to feel safe and secure enough to be themselves and this can lead to them expressing and communicating how they feel in a different way. This also applies to negative behaviours displayed in their birth family home which are shared in a referral.
Children who have to come into care, often have a lot of reasons to feel upset, angry and anxious towards their parents and this can lead to them displaying behaviours that won’t necessarily materialise in foster care where they are likely to feel safer, valued and cared for. So our advice is to keep an open mind when considering individual referrals. You can always say no if something doesn’t feel right or you don’t feel you would have the right skills to support that child.
Sometimes preferences change. You might initially think you are best suited to younger children but actually end up offering a home to an older child and have a good experience. We can change your terms of approval in consultation with your SSW. It is always important to remember that children and young people have all experienced trauma and age is not a predictor of behaviour; it is often perceived that ‘younger is easier’, but trauma is trauma and can manifest at any age. Ultimately we want happy carers and happy children and we achieve this by working with you and promoting good matching.